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Lad’s 28 – 31 August 2008 Cakey, Davo, Derek & Frank |
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After
a couple of half hearted efforts to get a boys trip to Davo
was very keen to kick the weekend off with a days skiing at Mt Buller, but
true to form, the rest of the lads were not keen. They were more interested in staying in
their own homes, wearing their trackies and playing cards with each other over the internet, but finally
a compromise was reached and golf at Moonah Links was agreed upon. At
an early pre-planning meeting held in Melville, Derek raised the concern of
numbers at golf. With 5 people
committed to the trip, it would create an awkward grouping, and Derek
suggested, in his typical diplomatic style, that Davo, “not being much of a
golfer”, should consider carrying the oranges. He needn’t have worried though, as Jan
withdrew from the trip shortly thereafter, citing vague reasons. No-one was really surprised - Jan pulled out of last years trip
because of heart problems. Jan’s
absence left vacant a very important portfolio – Finance. Frank lost the nip
and had to carry the Purse. |
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The Trip Over Cakey
and Frank, in all their wisdom, chose to fly the Jetstar
midnight horror. It turned out to be a
shite decision, as it was without question, the
most uncomfortable flight in history.
Frank was initially concerned that he got ripped off because his seat
didn’t recline, before he realized that on Jetstar,
1cm tilt is all you get. Davo and
Cakey, awake at 3.00am splurged on $3 coffee, but the steward mistakenly gave
us ashtray waste mixed with water. Arriving
in |
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Friday A
short visit was made to the Osborn household in suburban Mitcham, a pleasant
1 hour journey from the airport. A
lavish breakfast spread was put on and Derek ate 6 croissants. Quick showers were the order of the day,
but Cakey found time to complete some bathroom art – not Wizza
style, but rather more literate. |
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Cakey’s
bathroom art |
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Emily
Osborn was the centre of activity, and was very keen to help Frank out with
his distinct lack of purse. Two
options were presented, and Frank chose a lovely little green number. Emily was very sad that “The boys” were
leaving and requested that we stay. We
all voted and decided that Cakey would remain behind, but Emily was scared by
his “Pokey Hair”. From
there it was the start of the road trip down to the |
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Mitcham to Moonah |
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The
trip to Moonah was characterized by a lack of scenery, unless you count the
dodgy structures that Victorians call art.
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Golf at Moonah.
Note the T-shirts in a |
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Moonah
Links was a beautiful course, if you consider a lack of trees, long grass and
lots of bunkers beautiful. Our
decision to play the Open Course was probably questionable and heavy price as
paid by all. Derek’s price would have
been lower if we let him score. A
game of Hawk was played to decide the title BMRWFC Golfing Champion but
no-one remembers who won. Cakey
finished last though, and his sense of humour was seriously challenged at
times throughout the day, claiming his poor form was due to a back injury
inflicted by the Jetstar seats on the way over. In
all seriousness, Frank won the golf but unfortunately for him it was only a
seeding match, and he now gets to tee off first in the real BMRWFC Golf
Championship. Another highlight was a hole played with
rugby shaped golf balls, which Cakey had acquired from |
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Friday Night From
golf it was on to the Residence Inn in A
few quiet Crownies were enjoyed (despite knowing
that they were in fact Fosters with a gold label) before heading out for a
night on the town. Cakey got in early,
warning that he would not be too upset if there was no action in |
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The” Purse of Power” |
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After
making a decision to embrace the purse rather than be ashamed of it like Jan,
Frank left the purse on display. It drew curious attention from several
people, and seemed to possess the incredible ability to repel fat ugly chicks
and attract good looking ones. Frank
dubbed it the “Purse of Power” and proclaimed that he was never giving it up.
Not
since the famous “Penny a Pitcher” pub in |
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Saturday Despite
Derek getting up at the crack of dawn, the other lads managed to sleep in
until 9.00am. Various methods of
avoiding a hangover were employed by the lads, but Davo’s
ability to drink a litre of water while sleeping was agreed as the best. Breakfast
at the Rye Hotel was passable, except for Derek and Cakey trying to convince
Davo that the West Coast - Geelong game had been shifted to the MCG. Cakey claimed he did not want to go to the
game because spectators at Skilled Stadium regularly got muddy. New nipping rules were also
introduced. It was decided that simply
launching into a nip was not fair play, and any nip must be prefaced by some
discussion to give everyone a fair chance.
In a perfectly executed example, Davo said, “About sleeping with Derek
tonight……………. nip not”. Frank followed
suit and Cakey was left to contemplate another night with Derek. From
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Enjoying coffee in Sorrento |
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In
order to get to |
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On
the drive to Davo,
who has spent some time in The
football was the experience of a lifetime, made all the better by consistent
rain, and by
half time the lads were planning their exit strategy. Skilled Stadium was the football equivalent
of library - when the siren went to start the quarter, ladies walked around
shushing everyone. A highlight was the lap of honour performed
by the Danish AFL team, in town to play in the International Carnival. The tactics of the Danish team were
discussed at great length, and was decided they would include:
With
that ordeal over with, it was on to |
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Cakey overcome with excitement on the way to Melbourne |
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Arrival
in |
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Saturday night The
Hawthorn – |
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Buddy madness |
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Dinner
at the Syracuse Restaurant was an interesting experience. All the hot chicks left just as we arrived
so perhaps they did not get a good enough look at Frank’s Power Purse. We were treated to two girls kissing, but
Cakey missed it so he put his glasses on and asked them to do it again. After
dinner, it was on to the pubs and clubs.
At least, it was on to the pubs and clubs that would let us in. As four middle aged wannabees
wandering the streets of |
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Cakey, on the steps of the club
where he was told “You are never getting in here” |
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It
was decided that |
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Just
as our self esteem was returning, Cakey tripped over a kerb right in front of
a group of girls, which at least provided plenty of humour for them. A last minute drink at the Hairy Canary was
in order, and Derek ordered $16 cocktails.
The waitress regaled us with a story about a guy she met that day who had size 18 feet, and Derek felt insecure because he
thought she was insinuating he had a small penis. Davo did an impersonation of Rob Sitch in Hollowmen, which was
actually brilliant, but the lads must have been too drunk to appreciate it The
final event for the day was a Euchre World Championship back at the
hotel. Davo and Frank triumphed at
4.00am and it was off to bed. |
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Enjoying cocktails at the Hairy Canary |
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Despite
the 4am finish, Derek was up and gone early, returning to the reality of a
wife and two kids. Cakey, apparently
feeling the need to cleanse himself of sharing a
room with Derek for the night, was off for a swim, spa and manicure. Davo and Frank eventually emerged in time
for a late check-out and it was off for that great Sunday morning tradition –
Yum Cha! The
walk to On
to the next restaurant it was, which was probably
better. The food was great and
everyone enjoyed perhaps a little too much of everything on offer, with the
exception of chicken’s feet. The lads
then dragged themselves a couple of hundred metres down the road to a coffee
shop before parking-up again. Cakey
had some kind of girlie ice cream drink that he claimed was low GI. With
no real plans and an overdose of football already in our veins, it was off
for some aimless wandering around During
the long walk, some deep and meaningful conversations were conducted about
work life balance, and how Frank ultimately chose to move to the farm because
to keep pace with his peers in Asian Banking, he had to drink his own
urine. Cakey was disgusted and said he
would never drink his own urine, but would consider drinking someone else’s. The
words austere and solemn were used by the lads to describe the Shrine of
Remembrance, and apparently, at the 11th hour of the 11th
day of the 11 month each year, the sun shines through a special hole in the
rood to illuminate a plaque. That’s
all good but the only hole that lads were interested in, after 15 Chinese teas
and a cup of coffee were the toilets. |
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The Shrine of
Remembrance |
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With
the trip drawing to a close, a visit to the Crown Casino was mandatory. Cakey and Frank had only one thing in mind
and that was watching Texas Hold’em Poker. Who would have thought watching a bunch of
social misfits waste their Sunday afternoon could be so riveting. Apparently Sam Mitchell and Clinton Young
agreed, because they were there as well. The
next two hours were spent trying to find a restaurant that would serve us a
decent dinner before we submitted to the Jetstar
torture chair. Eventually a passable
place was found and we wolfed down meals in a pace that would impress Wizza. The
taxi driver provided some late entertainment by telling another driver to “go
and f#ck himself”, and then relating a story about
“three naughty girls” he had in his cab the night before. He also provided some great tips for next
year’s trip. The
flight home was notable only for Davo winning
Euchre, making him the undisputed world champion. Frank was shocked to learn that they charge
more if you leave your car in the short term lot, paying over $50 more than Cakey. It
was agreed that another trip should be planned for next year, if for no other
reason than to see what excuse Jan can come up with for pulling out. Due to the inordinate amount of time the
lads spend reminiscing about old times, developing new material is essential. Some
lessons to be learned for next year:
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